I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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