You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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