his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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