If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
