eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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