it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
