your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
