Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
