I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
