Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
