So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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