Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
