i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
