Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
