cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
