i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
