Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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