I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
