We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
