I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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