That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
