Soap is not a condiment
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
