But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
