do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
