i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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