i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
