your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize