His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
