My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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