My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
