Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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