You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
