Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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