i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
