i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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