Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
