I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
