what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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