Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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