Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I should be sponsored by Trojan
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
