The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
