Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
