:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
