i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
