I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
