i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
