i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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