She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
