i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize