I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's the barista slut.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
