I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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