Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
