I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
