Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
