I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
