Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this boner is exhausting
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
