Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
