and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
