I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize