he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
