Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
