i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
