and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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