i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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