Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Enjoy the penises
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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