Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
