Who did Billy Mays play for?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
